I have recently been re-reading some of the works by the famous Russian writer, Leo Tolstoy. His work, Confessions, especially struck me with a renewed power. The force of his questioning compelled him to move deep into his spiritual search. At the height of his intellectual and creative prowess, the quest for meaning and fulfillment became a focal point in his life. The intensity of his search is reflected in the following:

My question, the question that brought me to the edge of suicide when I was fifty years old, was the simplest question lying in the soul of every human being, from silly child to the wisest of elders, the question without which life is impossible, such was the way I felt about the matter. The question is this: What will come of what I do today and tomorrow? What will come of my entire life?
Expressed differently, the question may be: Why should I live? Why should I wish for anything or do anything? Or to put it still differently: Is there any meaning in my life that will not be destroyed by my inevitably approaching death?

These questions by Tolstoy are also fundamental questions, when taken seriously, which propel any human being into a spiritual quest. Without them, the search to resolve the truth of self and life will never become a reality. They reflect the stirrings within our hearts for a more genuine and authentic life.

In the context of our Nembutsu life, the stirrings within our heart emerge from the timeless depth of Amida Buddha’s primal wish and vow to bring true and real fulfillment to all living beings. This manifests the untiring and selfless movement of great compassion itself. Namu-amida-butsu is our awakened response to Amida’s primal vow and opens our hearts to fulfillment and meaning. Such an awakening is never destroyed by the turbulent ocean of living and dying; for such a life is filled with awareness, acceptance, and appreciation of life itself. In the words of Shinran Shonin: “In the person of nembutsu opens up the great path of unobstructed freedom”.

A parable found in the book, The Awareness of Self, by Haguri Gyodo Sensei, may focus the existential questions emerging in our life and direct us the this “great path of unobstructed freedom”.

When the siren of the fire truck wails faraway and the sound disappears into the distance, you do not give it a second thought. But when the shrill sound of the siren approaches your neighborhood, you listen intently with your whole being. They are the same siren, but the implications are a world apart.
Now the words of the Buddha are like the sound of the siren coming your way and warning you of the perils of the unreflected life. You must listen to the teachings with the same sense of urgency and involvement you show in listening to the cry of the approaching siren in the midnight air. Then the message of the Buddha will become a part of you and you will open the eyes of your heart to reality, serenity, and fullness.

May the urgency to seek and live an authentic spiritual life draw us even more closely and intimately to the heart of Buddha, whose true and real intent is to bring enlightened fulfillment and meaning into our life. Namu-amida-butsu.