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Filling-up/Emptying

Rev. William Masuda

Some years ago I was listening to a dharma talk by a colleague. His talk was quite thoughtful and direct as he made the following remark. "As Buddhists," he said, "our goal in life should not be merely in obtaining a college or degrees nor in the employment we receive. These goals are like a person driving to a gas pump and filling up his car. After filling up, he continues on to his destination. In this sense, the college degree we obtain as well as the employment we gain are like filling up at the gas station. The end and destination are more than just filling up at these pumps. As Buddhists, we should continue to move forward from these pumps and seek the goal of enlightenment itself."

Many of the conventional goals in our daily life are like filling up at the gas pump - education, job, marriage, family, and so forth. They involve much of our intelligence, patience, and effort to achieve these goals. They are also signs by which we measure, compare, and judge our accomplishments and responsibilities in relation to others and the world. They enhance and expand our lives, but they are, in fact, still places we temporarily fill up in order to continue our journey through life.

In this conventional life journey, no matter which "pump" fill our lives, they still do not necessarily and truly define and fulfill our deepest need of self. Within our self we possess countless karmic influences which seek for resolution and satisfaction because of our hopes and yearnings, frustrations and imperfections. These karmic influences compel us to not stand still at these pumps as ends in themselves. We are caused to move forward to our destination beyond our rational grasp of life. We may be unclear and doubtful in the decisions and directions we may take at times, but we cannot remain authentically complete in standing fast at these temporary stations. No matter how comfortable and secure they seem, they are not ends in themselves.

The journey towards fulfillment in the spiritual sense is not an external one. It reflects our process within - in the rich and fertile ground of our undiscovered heart and mind. Here, we are caused to seek the truth for truth's sake and be awakened and fulfilled by its inexpressible illumination. In terms of the Nembutsu, the heart of our life as Shin Buddhists, we are called by Amida Buddha's compassionate vow and wish for our enlightenment and fulfillment. Amida Buddha's timeless voice reaches into our heart and mind and calls: "Come forth. I will save you unconditionally. Cast aside your fears and doubts. Come forth as you are". Hearing and responding to this call causes us to awaken from our spiritual slumber. In that very moment, true and real faith (shinjin) is gifted to us in our act of entrusting and joyful acceptance. We are transformed from our reliance on our ego-self and receive the ego-less freedom of the Buddha's fathomless wisdom and compassion. "Of all difficulties, none is more difficult than this", so resonates Shinran's caring heart.

This act of true and real faith shakes us loose from our ego-centered preoccupations. It is not an act of "filling-up"; rather, it clearly "empties" us from our own blind forces of karmic confusions and sufferings. The "filling-up" at the various pumps and stations in our life journey are now seen as temporary respites, though desirous, enjoyable, and satisfying in the conventional sense. "Filling up" no longer becomes the sole task of living. The way of true living embraces our necessity in becoming "empty" of the blind forces of our ego-centered life. "Emptying" now shifts our attention and awareness to the illuminating wisdom and compassion of Buddha's other power as the source of our true and real life. We are now exposed to a new horizon in which the basic interdependency of all life becomes clear, distinct, and real. Our journey and task now become living our life in a shared harmony with the enlightened ones - to vow to selflessly engage in the fulfillment and happiness of all beings. Namo Amitabha, Namo Amitayus.

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- Shinran Shonin